A major part of being a good boyfriend is being a good conversationalist. You should be the kind of person who’s attentive, charming, easy to talk to, and open-minded. Having long phone conversations will likely become routine in your relationship, especially if you live far apart.
By not taking the time to listen to your partner or talk to them, you’re not participating in the relationship fully. If you’re lost and grasping for straws, here are some things to talk about with your girlfriend on the phone that can help you achieve intimacy and keep things interesting.
What are the general things to talk about with your girlfriend on the phone to keep her interested? You need to find out what you’re both interested in or what affects you in similar ways. The conversations will emerge organically when you delve into your shared opinions and experiences. Here are some examples.
#1. What product do you use to make your hair so smooth?
#2. What do you think about a fruit-based diet?
#3. Are you planning to vote this fall?
#4. Do you like going to the beach?
#5. How’s your living situation at the moment?
You might both have had a hard time in school or college, you may share certain health issues, or you might even be interested in the same foods. There are probably a lot of areas in which you can find common ground. It’s best to establish this as early in a relationship as you can.
Relationship questions are a way of checking in on one another and making sure you’re on the same page with the way things are. Here are some profound relationship questions that will help you gain a deeper insight into each other.
#1. What does love mean?
#2. What’s your favorite memory of us since we started dating?
#3. What’s your favorite thing that I do?
#4. What made you fall for me?
#5. If you could correct one of my flaws, what would you fix?
#6. How many people have you dated before me?
#7. Guess what I like about you the most?
#8. What’s your biggest fear in this relationship?
#9. What makes you feel loved?
#10. Can love ever be unconditional?
#11. Would you still love me if I looked different?
#12. What kind of life do you want to be living when you grow old?
#13. What are your wildest fantasies?
#14. What would be the perfect gift for you?
#15. What does your dream house look like?
Long conversations on the phone can be a great way to familiarize yourself with each other’s family background, for if or when you’d ever had to meet them.
To put it simply, you should know what your girlfriend’s family is like because that can hold some bearing towards your future together. Here are some great questions to ask and throw in some questions about her childhood too.
#1. How close are you to your parents?
#2. How are your parents doing?
#3. What do your parents do for a living?
#4. What was your best friend in school like?
#5. What do you have in common with your parents?
#6. Did you have any pets growing up?
#7. Where do your parents live?
#8. Who was your role model growing up?
#9. Do you think we could have been best friends as kids?
#10. What would your dad/mom think of me?
Living In the Moment
Sometimes, the best romantic moments emerge when conversations are left to evolve organically. Let words flow a little freely; you don’t want to seem or be too wound up. It’s certainly important to be asking intriguing questions, but often, the person asking questions generally controls the conversation.
Try to achieve a balance where there are times where you’re not in control. It gives her a chance to ask you some questions, and if you’re lucky, you may hear ones like:
#1. What are your plans for the weekend?
#2. Do you want to come over later?
#3. What movies do you like to watch?
#4. What’s your favorite food?
#5. When was the last time you went shopping?
Don’t do this on Day 1, and definitely don’t do it when you’re right in the middle of a good time. Making yourself vulnerable is important but you need to find the right time, and usually, long phone conversations provide just the right setting. Showing vulnerability makes you seem more human, brave, humble, and genuinely interested in having a deep and meaningful relationship.
There’s a common myth that being tough or macho all the time is what ultimately makes you more attractive, which is far from true. On the contrary, it can make you seem intimidating, less trustworthy, and in some cases, even suggests insecurity. Here are some examples of the sort of questions that you should be open to:
#1. Have you ever been depressed?
#2. Do you ever feel belittled when I call you cute names?
#3. Do you get along with your parents?
#4. Do you want a long-term relationship?
#5. What are your future dreams?
What exactly is a deep conversation as opposed to a normal one? What makes a conversation achieve depth? Is it the vulnerability the subject induces, is it the intellectual complexity of the subject, is it the secretive nature of the subject?
The answer is simple — a deep conversation is one that engages you fully, either on an intellectual level or emotional. It’s the kind of conversation that makes you forget your surroundings for a while. You can be clever, charming, and funny all day, but until you learn how to engage your girlfriend with deep conversations, your relationship may hit an iceberg soon.
Here are some examples of deep and profound questions about relationships:
#1. Do you believe in true love or love at first sight?
#2. What would you look forward to experiencing with me?
#3. Would you rather acquire material items or experiences?
#4. What do you see as the best character trait a partner can have?
#5. Do you think opposite genders can maintain a friendship without developing a love interest?
Phone conversations don’t always have to be very deep and meaningful, though. Some light-hearted banter is always welcome when you’re chatting after a long day. There are probably many questions you would want to ask your girlfriend and may she would love for you to know.
One of the best ways to get to know someone is to ask them choice-based (this or that) questions. Here are some great questions you can ask your girlfriend:
#1. Kids or no kids?
#2. Do you like a guy with brawn or brain?
#3. Would you rather be honest or be more considerate of the other person’s feelings?
#4. On a date, should the guy pay, or would you want to split the bill?
#5. Big party or intimate gatherings with close friends?
Key Things to Remember
The golden rule of talking to your girlfriend on the phone is to never break her off or interrupt her. If she’s not good at summarizing her thoughts or prefers to talk about them in-depth, it may take longer for her to finish. Be patient and acknowledge what she says with your responses.
But also don’t be afraid to be a little cheeky with her. Some teasing and light-hearted jokes can be very charming as well.
Sometimes Listening Is Best
Sometimes, silence is better. You’ve likely heard this adage quite often but what people tend to struggle with is knowing when to not speak.
Here’s an example. Say your girlfriend’s talking about how low or upset she feels because of something mean and distasteful her friends said about her. Your first instinct may be to respond with proverbs of wisdom about inner strength and having fortitude. Even though your intention is to solve her problem by inspiring her, it won’t land, and here’s why.
Did your girlfriend ask for a solution, or was she talking about how something made her feel? What her friends said may seem silly enough to you to just get over it quickly, but it wasn’t for her.
Pointing out flaws in her thinking or offering solutions isn’t helpful; it’s condescending. What women, or rather most people, want in this situation is a supportive ear, someone who understands what they’re going through. They want empathy, not logic.
A Few Parting Words
The key is attentiveness to everything without fixating on any one particular thing your girlfriend says. Let topics change organically, don’t try too hard to influence the tide of conversation, and make your objective learning more about her likes, dislikes, and worldview.
These are just some of the things to talk about with your girlfriend on the phone. And if you listen well, you’ll learn more and probably find way more new and exciting things to talk about.