Do you ever wonder why you take alcohol? Do you enjoy it or it’s a way of escaping the sad realities of life? Whatever the reason for your drinking, it’s important to balance your alcohol consumption with other important aspects of your life. This article offers you 83 quotes about alcohol that will help you strike a perfect balance.
83 Quotes about Alcohol to Help You Find Balance
General Quotes about Alcohol
1. “The problem with some people is that when they aren’t drunk they’re sober.” – William Butler Yeats
2. “I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.” – W.C. Fields
3. “24 hours in a day. 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not.” – H.L. Mencken
4. “Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.” – George Bernard Shaw
5. “What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?” – W.C. Fields
6. “Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.” – Winston Churchill
7. “Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat.” – Alex Levin
8. “An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.” – Ernest Hemingway
9. “Without question the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.” – Dave Barry
10. “Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.” – Dave Barry
11. “He was a wise man who invented beer.” – Plato
12. “Remember ‘I’ before ‘E’, except in Budweiser.” – Professor Irwin Corey
13. “When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.” – Henny Youngman
14. “I am a firm believer in the people. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis. The great point is to bring them the real facts, and beer.” – Abraham Lincoln
15. “A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.” – W.C. Fields
16. “I drink to make other people more interesting.” – Ernest Hemingway
17. “Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.” – Ernest Hemingway
18. “Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.” – Amrose Bierce
19. “The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid.” – Richard Braunstein
20. “My friends speak of my drinking…. but they know not of my thirst.” – Anonymous
Funny Quotes about Alcohol
21. “I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.” – W.C. Fields
22. “Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol.” – Anonymous
23. “Alcohol removes inhibitions – like that scared little mouse that got drunk and shook his whiskers and shouted: “Now bring on that damn cat!” – Eleanor Early
24. “Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed by the facts.” – Finley Peter Dunne
25. “When we drink we get drunk. When we get drunk we fall asleep. When we fall asleep we commit no sin. When we commit no sin we go to heaven. So, let’s all get drunk and go to heaven!” – Brian O’Rourke
26. “To some, it’s a six-pack. To me, it’s a Support Group.” – Leo Durocher
27. “Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.” – Frank Sinatra
28. “Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink, I feel shame! Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this wine, they might be out of work, and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, “It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.” – Jack Handey
29. “The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.” – Humphrey Bogart
30. “Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.” – W C. Fields
31. “You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.” – Dean Martin
32. “And God said, ‘Let there be vodka!’ And He saw that it was good. Then God said, ‘Let there be light!’ And then He said, ‘Whoa – too much light.’” – Anonymous
33. “Well ya see, Norm, it’s like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole because the general speed and health of the whole group keep improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine! That’s why you always feel smarter after a few beers.” – Cliff Clavin
34. “In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in the water there is bacteria.” – Benjamin Franklin
35. “It takes only one drink to get me drunk…..the trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.” – George Burns
36. “A lady came up to me one day and said ‘Sir! You are drunk’, to which I replied ‘I am drunk today madam, and tomorrow I shall be sober but you will still be ugly.” – Winston S. Churchill
37. “I like to have a martini, two at the very most. After three I’m under the table, after four I’m under my host.” – Dorothy Parker
38. “Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.” – Dave Barry
39. “Scotch: Because one doesn’t solve the world’s problems over white wine.” – Anonymous
40. “Pretty women make us BUY beer. Ugly women make us DRINK beer.” – Al Bundy
41. “I always take Scotch whiskey at night as a preventive of toothache. I have never had the toothache; and what is more, I never intend to have it.” – Mark Twain
42. “I went out with a guy who once told me I didn’t need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him, I’m drinking so that you’re more fun to be around.” – Chelsea Handler
43. “I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.” – Dorothy Parker
44. “The problem with the designated driver program is that it’s not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.” – Jeff Foxworthy
45. “The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life’s most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put bourbon in it.” – Lewis Grizzard
46. “All right, brain. You don’t like me and I don’t like you, but let’s just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer.” – Homer Simpson
47. “Scientists announced that they have located the gene for alcoholism. Scientists say they found it at a party, talking way too loudly.” – Conan O’Brien
Alcohol Quotes That Will Make You Want to Go Out and Drink
48. “Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.” – Drew Carey
49. “Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” – Benjamin Franklin
50. “There’s too much blood in my alcohol system.” – Anonymous
51. “Work is the curse of the drinking classes.” – Oscar Wilde
52. “Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we’re looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn’t test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed, and love of power.” – P. J. O’Rourke
53. “Here’s to alcohol, the rose-colored glasses of life.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald
54. “War and drink are the two things man is never too poor to buy.” – William Faulkner
55. “A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50, and a fool if he doesn’t afterward.” – Frank Lloyd Wright
56. “I drink when I have occasion … and sometimes when I have no occasion.” – Miguel De Cervantes
57. “Here’s to alcohol, the cause of — and solution to — all life’s problems.” – Homer Simpson
58. “There is no bad whiskey. There are only some whiskeys that aren’t as good as others.” – Raymond Chandler
59. “If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.” – Jack Handy
60. “Drink because you are happy, but never because you are miserable.” – G.K. Chesterton
61. “One martini is alright, two is too many, three is not enough.” – James Thurber
Quotes about Alcohol to Help You Quit
62. “First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.” – Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald
63. “One reason I don’t drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.” – Lady Astor
64. “Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness.” – Seneca
65. “Every recovery from alcoholism began with one sober hour.” – Anonymous
66. “As an alcoholic, you will violate your standards quicker than you can lower them.” – Robin Williams
67. “Talking to a drunken person was like talking to an extremely happy, severely brain-damaged three-year-old.” – John Green
68. “You’re not responsible for your disease, but you are responsible for your behavior.” – Anonymous
69. “I like liquor — its tastes and effects — and that is just the reason why I’ll never drink it.” – Stonewall Jackson
70. “After the first glass, you see things as you wish they were. After the second, you see things as they are not. Finally, you see things as they really are, and that is the most horrible thing in the world.” – Oscar Wilde
71. “Money, like vodka, can play queer tricks with a man.” – Anton Chekhov
72. “If you’re not moving away from a drink, then you’re moving closer to it.” – Anonymous
73. “She was the third beer. Not the first one, which the throat receives with almost tearful gratitude; nor the second, that confirms and extends the pleasure of the first. But the third, the one you drink because it’s there, because it can’t hurt, and because what difference does it make?” – Toni Morrison
74. “Sobriety is a journey, not a destination.” – Anonymous
75. “It is the wine that leads me on, the wild wine that sets the wisest man to sing at the top of his lungs, laugh like a fool — it drives the man to dance… it even tempts him to blurt out stories better never told.” – Homer
76. “From the fool and the drunkard you may learn the truth.” – Anonymous
77. “Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.” – JK Rowlings
78. “A drink is shorter than a tale.” – Anonymous
79. “Sobriety was the best gift I ever gave myself.” – Rob Lowe
80. “My recovery must come first so that everything I love in life does not have to come last.” – Anonymous
81. “The mentality and behavior of drug addicts and alcoholics is wholly irrational until you understand that they are completely powerless over their addiction and unless they have structured help, they have no hope.” – Russel Brand
82. “I chose sober because I wanted a better life. I stay sober because I got one.” – Anonymous
83. “One day at a time – The idea of giving up alcohol or drugs for the rest of your life is overwhelming. The good news is that you do not have to do this. You can approach recovery one day at a time. You do not have to worry about what is going to happen tomorrow or next week. You just have to get up each morning and commit to staying sober for the rest of the day – you don’t need to commit to anything more than that. By sticking to one day at a time, the days turn into weeks and the weeks turn into years.” – Anonymous
