When you get married to the love of your life, you don’t do so with the idea that you will eventually divorce. However, sometimes divorce becomes inevitable. According to the American Psychological Association, almost 50 percent of marriages in the United States end in divorce.
So, how do you know when your marriage is really over? This article talks about the common signs you need to look out for to know when your marriage is over.
6 Causes of an Unhappy Marriage
Although marriage is supposed to make you happy and help you grow, sometimes the opposite happens. It is at this point that you will start to regret why you met your spouse or why you tied the knot with them. But could have made you so unhappy with your marriage that you want to quit? Here are some of the common causes of an unhappy marriage.
1. Lack of Trust
Most marriages start deteriorating when spouses lose trust in each other. Not trusting each other makes a good and happy relationship bitter. In marriage, trust is lost if spouses are constantly lying to or cheating on each other. If you are not sure whether your partner is cheating on you or not, you can try a detector test.
When your spouse realizes that you are not a trustworthy person, this will weaken your relationship and create a wedge between the two of you. Lack of trust in marriage can also occur if you don’t love each other, you don’t give each other’s words importance, you believe more in other people’s words than in each other, or you don’t give each other enough time.
2. Failure to Respect Your Partner’s Opinion or Ideas
As a married person, you need to give your partner’s opinions and ideas the amount of seriousness and respect they deserve. A good marriage can become bitter and unhappy if one partner feels like their opinions don’t matter or if the other partner is always treating them like they are stupid. It is also wrong to try to present yourself as more intelligent and clever than your spouse.
When you fail to listen to your partner, you make them angry towards you, which causes them to behave insolently. This leads to disgusting incidences in your relationship, further pushing your marriage to the edge. If you do not listen to each other, it will result in coercion and physical and emotional abuse.
3. Blame Game
When you start to blame and curse each other, know that instead of love, feelings of hate and fear have taken root in your hearts. Consequently, you will never be happy with each other, no matter what. This leads to accusations and counter-accusations, blaming each other for everything.
If you are always blaming each other, even for imaginary things, you create an element of mistrust, which will soon lead to unhappiness. Blaming your spouse constantly breeds bitterness, anger, and hatred towards you. If your spouse accepts their mistake about something, there is no reason to hold a grudge.
4. Not Giving Each Other Time
If you do not spend enough time with your spouse, you are creating a distance between the two of you, which will eventually create discord in the relationship. This will also make you feel like your marriage is heading in the wrong direction. If you don’t give your spouse enough time, how will you know their pain, happiness, future plans, goals, likes, and dislikes?
No matter how busy your work schedule is, you have to find time for your spouse. Otherwise, you will make them feel like they are not important to you. This will also cause mistrust and blame games, which will ultimately lead to unhappiness.
One of the main reasons why most marriages fail is the failure of spouses to respect each other. Lack of respect in marriage happens when one partner thinks they are superior to the other. Whether your spouse earns less income than you, belongs to a different race, comes from a family with less prestige, or is less educated, it is wrong to consider them inferior.
Violation of your partner’s dignity breeds bitterness, which will eventually lead to a breakup. Never let your ego cause you to look down on your spouse. Always remember that both of you have equal shares in the union.
6. Physical and Emotional Abuse
Physical, emotional, and verbal abuse are the most common forms of abuse in marriage. Psychological or emotional abuse is characterized by the use of verbal and nonverbal acts which symbolically hurt the other person or the use of threats to hurt the other person.
This includes yelling, insulting, swearing at the other person, belittling or ridiculing the other person, demanding obedience to whims, withholding affection, threatening to leave the relationship, among others.
Physical abuse occurs in many ways, including intimate partner violence, abuse, and other forms of physical aggression that are meant to hurt the other person. It can also include minor acts of violence like slapping, shoving, forced intimacy, among others. This form of abuse will leave your spouse bitter and unhappy with the relationship.
4 Signs of a Hopeless Marriage
Every marriage is unique. Therefore, do not expect your marriage to have the problems as your friend’s. however, there are some common red flags that you should look out for to know if your marriage has become hopeless.
1. Always Criticizing Each Other
While a little criticism is healthy in any relationship, it becomes problematic when you are constantly finding each other’s faults instead of complimenting each other. For your marriage to survive, positive interactions with your spouse have to be more than negative interactions.
2. Repeated Arguments
Although arguments occur in every marriage, even healthy ones, it’s quite traumatic to have the same argument over and over. If your time with your spouse is always weighed down by endless arguments over the same issues, it shows there is a major disconnect between the two of you.
3. No More Arguments
Like having endless arguments, having no arguments at all can also spell trouble for your marriage. It may seem like a relief if you are no longer having heated arguments, but if even the healthy arguments have stopped, it shows that either one or both of you have given up.
4. Keeping Secrets
It is normal for couples to want to keep some things to themselves. But it becomes problematic when you deliberately keep secrets like secretly hanging out with your ex or having dinner with a co-worker who finds you attractive. This shows that you no longer trust your partner with sensitive information.
10 Signs Your Marriage Is Over
Although divorce is not always the solution to a troubled marriage, sometimes walking away is the only viable option. So, how do you know when your marriage is really over? Here are the top signs that your marriage is over.
1. Lack of Sexual Intimacy
In marriage, sexual desires change over time. When you are newly married, you may enjoy a much stronger sexual intimacy with your spouse. But this kind of intimacy is expected to decrease as you get used to each other and grow old. It is also important to note that the level of sexual desire and intimacy varies with individuals.
However, it is a completely different thing if your spouse is no longer interested in having sex with you. Sexual intimacy helps couples remain emotionally and physically connected. So, if this kind of intimacy no longer exists in your marriage, you should smell trouble.
If you are disgusted by the thought of having sexual intimacy with your spouse or you are secretly getting your sexual needs fulfilled by someone else, your marriage is on the verge of collapsing. Over time, a lack of sexual intimacy will cause your marriage to collapse.
2. Constant Anger Towards Your Partner
It is a normal thing to be angry at your spouse occasionally. But if you are constantly feeling anger towards your spouse or your spouse is always angry at you, it is a sign that your marriage is slowly falling apart. Continuous anger in marriage can be caused by both internal and external problems.
If such anger is not resolved immediately, it can easily ruin your marriage. It can also turn into physical and emotional abuse. When this happens, it is time to end your marriage.
3. Avoiding Each Other
When you are newly married, you will always find yourself wanting to spend time with your spouse and hanging on to their words. But as time goes, you may find yourself losing the feeling of newness and excitement towards your spouse. This is a normal part of the marriage phase.
However, if you find yourself dreading the thought of spending time with your spouse, your marriage is on the verge of collapse. Maybe it is time to start thinking about spending time alone to appreciate what your spouse has to offer.
4. Lack of Respect
For your marriage to work, there has to be mutual respect. While this doesn’t mean that you have to agree on everything, you should always respect each other’s values and choices. If you are always contemptuous of each other or dismiss each other’s feelings, your marriage won’t work.
Respecting your partner means that you understand that they are wired differently. It also means that you will approach them in a way that doesn’t appear like you are trying to change them. Lack of respect will eventually ruin your marriage.
5. Lack of Trust
Trust is one of the most important building blocks of a good marriage. Without trust, your marriage will always have problems. In marriage, trust is broken when one partner cheats on the other or becomes a pathological liar.
If you have been unfaithful, you have to accept responsibility for your behavior and make positive changes to be able to rebuild your partner’s trust. Even so, your partner must be willing to forgive you and give you another chance. Otherwise, your marriage is going to end on a very bitter note.
6. Hatred or Dislike
While it’s normal to dislike certain aspects of your spouse, it is completely odd to feel hatred towards your partner. If you no longer like your partner’s company, your marriage is headed for the rocks. You should also know things are bad if you can’t find anything good about your spouse or you can’t stand being with your spouse.
7. Future Plans That Don’t Include Your Partner
When you find yourself planning for the future without considering your spouse, it means that the two of you are on different paths. This usually happens after you’ve gone through other serious problems in your marriage like physical and mental abuse, unfaithfulness, disrespect, among others.
8. Not Interested in Fixing Your Marriage
Fixing a troubled marriage is not an easy task. It requires a full commitment by the two partners. But if you or your spouse is no longer interested in fixing your marriage, then it could be a sign that your marriage is over.
9. You Want to Cheat
If you are constantly thinking about cheating on your spouse, regardless of whether you act on it or not, your marriage is not heading in the right direction. If you act on the thought of cheating on your spouse and you feel no remorse, then your marriage is over. It’s time to let each other go.
10. Refuse to Compromise
Marriages survive because of compromise. No matter how difficult it is for you to find the middle ground with your spouse, you have to do it for the sake of your marriage. But if you have reached a point where you are not willing to compromise, it is a clear sign that your marriage is over.
When Should You Walk Away from Your Marriage?
When you are making your marriage vows, you promise not to leave your spouse for better or for worse. But does this mean that you should stay in the marriage even when your health and life are in jeopardy? The answer is a big no. So, when should you walk away from your marriage?
When You Feel Like You’ve Lost Yourself
If your marriage makes you feel like you no longer recognize yourself, it is a clear sign that you need to spend some time alone to reflect on what is good for you. While it is important to make sacrifices for your marriage, you don’t have to lose yourself to make the other person happy.
When You No Longer Feel Love or Happiness
There is a huge difference between going through the various stages of love and simply going through the motions. So, if your spouse no longer makes you happy or feel loved, and you are just going through the motions, it’s time to walk away.
When You Are No Longer Respected
As mentioned above, respect is a critical ingredient for a healthy and successful marriage. So, if your partner no longer respects you and they are not willing to change, then that marriage is no longer workable.