Relationship

BDSM: What Is It, And Where To Begin?

BDSM: What Is It, And Where To Begin?

Since the explosion of 50 Shades of Grey on our screens back in 2014, BDSM has been a hot topic in the sex toy and kink world. Not only has it grown in popularity and now become mainstream, but many experts have discovered the positive role that BDSM can play in a healthy, consensual relationship.

One study found that not only did BDSM practitioners report less neuroticism than their non-BDSM counterparts, but also that BDSM sex can help reduce cortisol (the stress hormone) in those who practice it.

So, what is BDSM and where should we begin?

What is BDSM?

BDSM stands for bondage and discipline, sadism and masochism (or sado-masochism), although DS can also sometimes stand for dominance (or domination) and submission. BDSM is a transfer of power from one partner “the submissive” or “sub” to the “dominant” partner, or the “dom.” Typically engaged in through a romantic or sexual relationship, BDSM can be a thrilling experience both for submissives and dominants.

Why do people enjoy BDSM?

People enjoy BDSM for a variety of reasons, in the same way, people enjoy various types of fantasies. BDSM enthusiasts tend to love the emotional release of BDSM: those with high-powered jobs might love surrendering control to their partner, while a partner who doesn’t mind being bossed around in their everyday relationship might enjoy being the dominant partner in the bedroom.

Despite the stigma, studies have found that those who practice BDSM demonstrate no particular outlier factor when it comes to mental health or stability. Books such as 50 Shades of Grey promote the idea that a penchant for BDSM must stem from a repressed trauma or history of abuse, but the evidence shows that this simply isn’t the case.

How to start BDSM as a beginner?

If you’re looking to try out BDSM in your relationship and you haven’t yet explored this type of fantasy before, you might want to go slow at first and not try to rush in and buy a full leather bodysuit. Take your time! A great way to test the waters is to try out some beginner-friendly BDSM play, such as breast bondage.

What is Breast Bondage?

Breast bondage is pretty simple, but a common practice in the BDSM community. Breast bondage involves – you guessed it – the breasts, and using some form of restraint (rope, tape, even a simple harness bra) to make them stand out and make them the focus of your bondage play. Breast bondage is one of the most beginner-friendly types of BDSM play, as you don’t need any fancy equipment or sex toys in order to experiment with it.

Why do people like breast bondage?

Breast bondage can be exciting, especially if you love having your nipples stimulated. Did you know that certain BDSM enthusiasts can even reach orgasm solely by having their nipples stimulated?

Breast bondage is a fan favorite in the BDSM community because it adds to the overall BDSM aesthetic: the bondage highlights the erogenous zone of the nipples, fully sexualizing the breasts and presenting a figure that is there to “please” the dominant partner.

How to do breast bondage?

Breast bondage is one of the easiest and beginner-friendly types of BDSM play, although it will require some safety precautions and a partner who has fully consented to the act. Using your choice of bondage, whether it be a harness bra, rope or tape, tantalize the submissive’s partner’s nipples using anything that might feel good: your hands, feathers, liquids, ice cubes, your mouth. Be creative!

What is a Ball Gag?

Another beginner-friendly BDSM toy is a ball gag; a small, ball-shaped toy that is placed in the mouth during BDSM play. Certain BDSM enthusiasts (typically submissives) love to give their dominant partner total control – a ball gag helps them to enhance this power transfer, by giving away their own ability to speak and express themselves.

Why do people like ball gags?

Sex is a mutual act, with constant communication. By using a ball gag, this communication and control fall solely on the dominant partner. Both submissives and dominants find this power control exhilarating and a turn-on.

Some people even enjoy using a ball gag for non-sexual purposes: those who have high-powered, important jobs (typically, jobs which require a lot of management of others) are often the biggest fans of BDSM play: for them, being submissive in their personal life offers relief from their stress-filled workdays.

How to use a ball gag?

When it comes to using a ball gag, it’s pretty straightforward: simply place the ball gag in the mouth of the submissive partner (attaching the band around their head to keep it in place and avoid any choking hazard) and engage in whatever play you feel like! You don’t need to necessarily engage in BDSM roleplay or rough sex to enjoy a ball gag: simply enjoy the benefits of the power play, whether you’re the dom or the sub!

What is Rope and Bondage Play?

If you want to go a little further into your BDSM journey, you might want to experiment with the help of some rope and bondage kits. Rope and bondage kits are ideal for intermediate BDSM users, and offer an exhilarating foray into true power-play, especially if it occurs in the context of a romantic relationship.

Why do people like rope and bondage?

Rope and bondage are popular because it allows the dominant partner to enjoy complete control over their submissive partner, while the submissive partner can benefit from the tantalizing sensations of complete submission and relish in their lack of control.

If you love it when your partner takes control in the bedroom, or you love it when your partner is spontaneous and takes you by surprise, you’ll love the adrenaline-rush of bondage play.

How to do rope and bondage play at home?

Rope and bondage play is similar to breast bondage, in that you can use everyday items that you have lying around at home for your bondage play. Belts, tape, and anything with a cord can function as a piece of DIY bondage kit, although we highly recommend that you buy a bondage kit from a reputable sex toy store, rather than making your own.

To use a bondage kit correctly, simply attach the submissive partner however you wish they be attached, and tease them as much as you please! If you’re the submissive partner, you should enforce some ground rules before embarking on any BDSM adventure: employ safe words, ensure that you’ll be comfortable, and make sure to buy experience-appropriate toys to use during your play.

Verdict?

When it comes to BDSM play, communication and consent are key. Make sure to discuss your fantasies with your partner beforehand, and agree to one another’s limits before engaging in BDSM play. While BDSM is about submission and control, it’s also about respecting pre-agreed boundaries. Before venturing into full-blown BDSM, make sure to try out our beginner-friendly suggestions for some exhilarating experimentation.

About Author

Dana Cull

Dana is a digital content creator with a self-confessed obsession with writing. She is also an avid reader and loves to spend her leisure hours watching documentary films from different directors across the world.